New Beginning

A new ray of hope, a new sunrise... 

the blues washed away with the night... 

I happen to see the wind in my hair.. 

and feel it make me light...

its the after effects of a sight... 

I was in love, but not anymore... 

the wave washed away those footprints in the sand... 

those memories etched in my memory..

will slowly fade away.. 

and i will once again be free to live... 

to dream....

Indispensable???

Ram had left Ayodhya and gone into forest exile. Bharat had yet to return from his uncle's house. Dashrath lay dying in the palace. He turned to his wife, Kaushalya, and said, "What will happen to Ayodhya without me. Can I afford to die?" To this Kaushalya replied, "Nothing will happen. The sun will rise and set. People will go about doing their duties. There will be joy and sorrow, frustration and excitement, hope and despair, as there always was. Everyone thinks the world cannot exist without him. But it does."

***********************************

Every day organizations hire new people and old people leave the company, either angrily, or happily or because they have no choice. This is birth of a new employee and death of an old employee. Both events are filled with insecurity. The arrival of a new employee threatens the old discourse, and so there is need to induct the new into the old ways of the company. The departure of the old employee also threatens the old discourse hence the desperate need for a talent pool and pipeline.

Very rarely does an individual determine the fate of an institution. There is always someone who can take his place. It is a thought that invalidates human beings and so no one wants to accept it. Vermaji had served the company as an accountant for over thirty-eight years. He was famous for managing the accounts so well that the owner of the company felt he was indispensible. So did Vermaji. But then the owner of the company died. And his nephew took over. And the nephew did not think too much of Vermaji. He was given a nice salary and a nice cabin but no real work.

Vermaji was furious and submitted his resignation later in a huff, which was accepted without even the pretense of a resistance. "Let me see how they solve the accounts," he said as he left the building the last time. Five years have since passed. Vermaji is waiting for his new management to call him back. They have not. They have managed without him. It's a feeling he does not like.

The management did suffer a bit without Vermaji. But his absence created a vacuum and new talent emerged. That was a good thing. But now that apparently indispensible Vermaji has been replaced, those left behind in the company feel they too are dispensible. It is a feeling no one likes. Suddenly they all feel like "Full Time Equivalents" or FTE, numbers on an excel sheet, that can be deleted at any moment. Insecurity seeps into the organization. And in insecurity, everybody clings to their roles and responsibilities with tenacity. New talent is not allowed to come in and if they do come in they are not allowed to thrive. Everyone wants to make themselves indispensible. They will all die trying.

[The author is the Chief Belief Officer of the Future Group.]

Possibilities...

Life is strange. It gives you what you least expect from it. And it carries on... there is nothing that goes longer than life!!! It brings the most unexpected circumstances; mostly those which one could not even think about in dreams. Today was one such day. She had woken up to a beautiful morning.   A morning which looked fresh and held a promise... a promise of brighter things. Yes she had always thought about this morning. Most people would have been nervous. Would probably even have had sleepless nights. But not her. She was nothing less than ecstatic! Today would bring her that new sunshine that she had been waiting for all those years. Finally the wait will come to an end today. She got ready to leave for the office.

Her apartment started seeming a little crowded as she thought about the company she would have in the evening. She realised she would have to get rid of all the extra furniture that she had collected in the years. After all, post tonight, she would have someone to suggest what she should buy and what should be best left alone.. at the store. She wasn’t an impulsive buyer, but her eye for eclectic pieces had got her a lot of stuff that were actually not required. She wondered why she had never found the apartment cluttered before! Never mind. She had a million things to do today. And perhaps, by the end of the day, she would not be the only one in this place she called home! She smiled at the thought of possibilities.

A few years ago, Ashley had been another person altogether. She was an architect by profession and interior designing was her favourite hobby. She would not just build houses, she would decorate them according to the people who would live there. It was a job that gave her immense satisfaction. Anyone who knew her then would have described her as cold and unemotional. The thought of she getting married was beyond imagination. Even if she could have married, nobody would have thought possible for her to be a mother. She just wasn’t made for it. And then, she had gone ahead and surprised every single one of them. From the paparazzi to the neighbour next door... everyone was talking about her. The girl who had defied all rules! She stunned the city with her very public marriage to the very famous industrialist and well known playboy Stephen McCartney. And before the city had digested this piece of news, she had flouted every single rule in the rule book. She went ahead and adopted two children from the city orphanage. The city had looked at her stunned. Not that people didn’t adopt. But who would have thought that Ashley Williams McCartney would adopt two kids even before she celebrated her first month anniversary!!!

But looking back, it was the best decision of her life. And today after waiting for four years, her daughters would be finally home! Oh! How she missed Alice and Kate Williams! How she loved to even think about them. her daughters.

The marriage had lasted four months. Exactly the time she required to adopt the kids. Now she recalled how grateful she had been to Stephen. He was the sweetest friend. The paper had had a field day when they had declared their divorce. But only Ashley and Stephen knew why they had decided to tie the knot. And she would always be grateful to Stephen for being there and understanding, when the entire world was against her. They might call him a playboy but she knew what lay behind this exterior. Thinking about all this brought a tear in her eye. Finally Alice would be home, to meet their mom... after four years. She wondered if they would recognise her! Would they come running to hug her? Or would they wait for Stephen to give them the signal to come to her?

The thought of meeting them had her so excited! As she drove down to meet them, she realised she hadn’t even bought them a gift! It was after all their birthday! Driving past Walmart, she decided to get them a small something. The big things could wait till they got back to the apartment. She did have a surprise party planned for them! As she parked at the lot, she realised she was running late. Her meeting with her team was due in forty minutes. Since she was taking the entire week off, she had to brief them. The Hathaway Project couldn’t go out of schedule! Her team was able and confident. Surely they could handle things for one week without her! As she rushed to the meeting from Walmart, she thought about all the things that had to happen this week. The pillars of the building were already in place. In a week’s time, the team should be able to get to the second floor for the rooms. After all the ground and the first floor only had the nursery, kitchen, dining area and the ballroom. As she thought about the nursery, she wondered what kind of decor would the Hathaways want for their babies. Would they go for the all in all stereotype nursery? Or would they be bold and go for something new? She decided she had to convince them about the new concept she had while she was working on Alice and Kate’s room. They would love it once they see how beautifully it will turn out.

She was so busy in her musings that she didn’t see the red convertible coming from the left. It had steered wrong on the ice, and try as much as he could, the driver just could not get the car to stop. Before Ashley had time to register what was coming at her, the car struck hers with full force. The impact was such that the nearby cars were not spared by the clash.

 ******

Ashley opened her eyes to find everything strange around her. She could not understand where she was. She tried to recall what had happened. All she could remember was being hit by a car. So she muct be in a hospital. She tried to make head or tail of the place she was in. She could see Alice and Kate. They had both grown up so much! When did her little girls become so old? Time had flown away so fast. But why were they crying? She was here beside them. They shouldn’t be crying. It was wrong... somehow it was very wrong. And then she saw what they were crying over. It was she. On the bed. There were flowers all around. The girls were dressed in black. They were mourning! 

My new MANTRA

All it took...

The fire crackled in the room...warming the only one there. Warming someone who was not even aware what was happening around her...she was lost in her own world. The rain had finally stopped but it was still too cold. The room was warm, but not warm enough for her. Not today. She was looking out the window, beyond the trees at the snow peaked mountains. Her thoughts, well beyond the horizon. As a kid she had always wondered what lied behind those mountains... all that she could see at the horizon... was it a part of the future? Or did it, like everything else, represent the past? Today, however, she had no thoughts about what was at the horizon. Her thoughts had taken her beyond the horizon...into the past that she had left behind, reminding her of the future that she could have! What had he said? That he will never be able to forget her, even when he was eighty and she was closer to 75! It was so many years ago. At that time, she hadn’t even thought she would live to see herself at the age of 75. She had dreaded getting old, and yet she was getting older every single minute. How things had changed! True, she still hadn’t reached that age... but today, it didn’t seem like impossible anymore. There was a sound at the door. She turned to look at who it was. She hadn’t been expecting her daughter now. It was much too soon for her to be home. So then who was this lady standing at the door?

“Meera, is that you?” she called out. She couldn’t see very well without her glasses. Heaven knew where she had flung them when she had entered the room earlier. As she turned, she realised someone had lit the fire. And there was her favourite cup of coffee and some scones lying on the table. The coffee had turned cold. Someone had brought them when she was busy in her thoughts. As she squinted to get a better look at her visitor, she realised this lady was way too thin to be Meera. Unable to contain hers curiosity, she called out again. “Who is standing there? Why don’t you speak?”

Someone would have thought she was blind! The girl or lady or whoever she was... she was a mere twenty feet away from her... just across the room! She probably should go and see for herself, but what good will that do if she didn’t have her glasses??? Before she could even start looking for them, the girl moved forward. She held out something. Her glasses! Thank god for little mercies! Now that she had put them on she realised it was Isabelle. Sweet Isabelle. There was no other adjective for her!

“What are you doing here Isa? I thought you weren’t going to return till the end of next week. Is everything well?” she asked her. Isabelle had been gone for almost 3 weeks now. She was her best friend cum secretary. It was a relief to have Isa back, she couldn’t deny it. The house seemed very empty without her. But why was she back so soon? She had gone to visit her family in Scotland. She wasn’t due for another 10 days. It worried her that Isabelle had forgone her vacation to be back here.

“I came two days ago. Meera called. She was frantic. I have been here for almost an hour, watching you. What happened Ashley?” Isabelle asked taking her hand and leading her to her favourite chair beside the fireplace. She was cold. Isabelle’s warm touch made her realise she had been shivering. What happened she had asked? How could she even begin to tell her what had happened... when it had happened oh so many years ago. Did it even matter that much today? She was lost in her thoughts again. Thoughts of him. Of his intoxicating beauty. And the feel of his touch. Hadn’t she promised she would meet him once... before her life was over? And hadn’t he told her that day would never come? Then why was she thinking about him now? Why today? He had ignored her at the market. Hadn’t even recognised her! Why then did it matter so much to her? She had a fulfilling life. Meera and Gerald- two lovely kids. Benjamin- a wonderful husband. A full and satisfying career. Audrey and Alex- Two grandkids. What more could she ask from life? Her life seemed picture perfect!

But she was lost... thinking about that one summer, back in France, where she had met him for the first time. It was her sister’s wedding. She smiled ruefully as she realised that there was no apparent reason for her sister to get married in France. Yet she had done that. And he was there. With that intoxicating beauty, that tantalizing smile, those warm brown eyes and a wit as sharp as his knife. Why did he always carry that knife anyways? It would have been love at first sight, had she been looking at all. But as life would have it, she looked but didn’t really notice. They had met again six years later, to celebrate the birth of her sister’s first born-Charlotte. Before she knew it, she was head over heels in love with him. What had it taken? One drink, a few memories and just that one touch!! They had promised to be together forever... as all young do. But that was the end of the story for her. She never saw him... not for the next thirteen years! Where was he? What was he doing? What had happened to all those promises he had made? And the most important question... why hadn’t he ever contacted her???? All these questions were swarming in her mind when she met him by chance at a cafe. He was holding an infant in his arms, a girl who had the same brown eyes. And before she could ask any of her questions, before she could even open her mouth, he had started speaking very fast. He was telling her about his life, why he hadn’t called but she was not interested. And then he had stated that he would never forget her. Not even when he was eighty and she was seventy-five. How strange that all she remember about that conversation was this!

She realised Isabelle was still looking at her, expecting some answers from her. Now that she came to think of it, she was speaking something. Why was she speaking so slowly? Had Isabelle gone dumb? She couldn’t hear Isabelle at all! But it didn’t matter. What mattered was that she had promised to meet him. And two days ago, when she had seen him at the market he hadn’t recognised her! Oh Ethan!!! Why did you not keep the promise? Why did you not recognise me? Millions of questions running around her mind. There was no solution. Probably Meera knew how she could find him? She would ask Meera.

Meera came in just then and seeing Isabelle sitting with her mom, she thought she shouldn’t disturb. But it seemed her mom was again in her own world. It worried Meera. She had been seeing her mother in the same delirious state for the last two days. If things didn’t improve by the end of the day, she will have to call up Gerald, her doctor brother.

Her mother seemed to sense her presence. She was talking about having to meet Ethan. Who was Ethan? Did dad know him? Why was mom so worried about meeting Ethan? And where to even start looking for Ethan??? She tried asking her mom, what was his full name or where did he live... but she refused to give any other information. Meera was worried sick.

Somewhere in the house, today’s newspaper had a small obituary:

Ethan Garnett, Writer, dies at age 72

Ethan Garnett, author of three best seller books died today at his home. He was best known for his book ‘The Jungle called Civilization’ which was nominated for the Magsaysay award. His other two books, ‘Living with Eli’ and ‘Urban Rural’ have been on the bestselling list for more than 3 months. He was known for his satirical writing

Ethan is survived by his wife, Rachael, and two daughters – Jennifer and Tamara.

There will be a family only viewing at the Chapel Hill Funeral Home on Friday February 20, from 3pm to 5pm and a public viewing for friends and family from 7pm until 9pm. On Saturday, February 21, 2009 the service will be held at the Chapel Hill Funeral Home at 10am with the procession to the cemetery to immediately follow. Ethan will be interred at the Chapel Hill Cemetery in the Garnett family plot of four.

तमन्ना...बेखयाल!

दिल  की  हर  तमन्ना  बेखयाल 

हर  चाहत  कही  खो  गयी  है 

आज  बारिश  भी  जैसे  रो  रही  है 

किसी  की  आहट से  इतनी  घबराहट  क्यों ,

की  लब सिले , आँखे  भी  नम है 

होश नाम  का  भी  नहीं 

और  फिर  वही  मदहोशी  है 

वही  गुमनाम  अँधेरे 

वही  बेपनाह  सवेरे…

बड़ी  शिद्दत  के  बाद  जीना  सीखा  था 

झूठा  ही  सही , हसना  सीखा  था 

कही   किसी  कोने  में  दिल  के,  यादे दफनाये 

एक  बार  फिर  से  खुलना  सीखा  था 

है  शिकायते  इतनी  की  गिनती  भूल  गए  है 

है  दर्द  इतना  सीने  में  की  आदत  सी  पड़  गयी  है 

जो  कभी  हम  जीते  थे  किसी  के  लिए ….

आज  मरने  को  जी  रहे  है 

और  मौत  भी  आज  मुस्कुरा  कर 

दामन  छुड़ा  चली  हैं …

क्यों  क़ैद  हूँ  इस  भवर  में 

क्यों  क़ैद  हूँ  दुनिया  की  नज़र  में 

जब  बचे  ही  नहीं  कोई  सपने , फिर 

क्यों  क़ैद  हूँ  उन  टुकड़ो  में …

आज  नजाने  क्यों  हकीक़त  से  रूबरू  हूँ 

जो  दौड़  रहा  है  नस  नस  में , उस  दर्द  से  वाकिफ  हूँ 

गिले  शिकवे  नहीं  है  मुझे  उस  से  कही 

बस  खुद  ही  की  नज़र  में  नाकाबिल  हूँ ….

फासलों  के  साथ  आज  दूरियों  का  एहसास  भी  है 

तुम्हारी कमी  है  और  लम्हों  में  तन्हाई  का आभास  भी  है 

दिल  में  तरंगे  है  और  मद्धम सी हवा  बेह रही  है  कही 

इस  हवा  में  कही  ख़ामोशी  और  कही  तुम्हारी  आवाज़  का  आग़ाज़  भी  है .